Many people don’t understand that it’s not so simple for an abused spouse or partner to “just leave” their abuser. While it might be imperative that they do so to prevent further abuse (or worse), there can be many obstacles in the path out the door.
Below is some information on those obstacles and how to overcome them.
A few reasons abused spouses stay
They may plot and meticulously plan their moment of escape, but data shows that an abused partner on average tries to leave seven times before making the break permanent. The period just prior to their leaving and immediately after is always a time of highest risk of abuse by the perpetrator.
Below are some common reasons why people tolerate and remain in abusive relationships:
- There’s nowhere to run to. Remember those fleeing abusive relationships are not just running from them but also must be running toward something positive. Some may feel that they have burned through their most important relationships during the course of their abusive marriages.
- Staying for the kids. There are parents who feel so ill-equipped to live on their own with children to support that they prefer to put up with abuse than try to make their own way in the world.
- They worry about pets. Few shelters allow residents to bring their family pets with them, and abused partners may fear their abusers will take out their anger on the animals left in their care.
- Their abusers destroyed their self-worth. It’s possible to convince people that they deserve nothing more than abuse if that’s how they are used to being treated.
These are just a drop in the bucket of barriers to leaving an abusive relationship. But none are sufficient to keep someone in a marriage or partnership once they have made the decision to leave. By first strategizing and getting a team in place to guide you, you can protect yourself and any children or pets from further abuse.