The holidays can be magical for kids. However, it isn’t always easy for co-parents to navigate the pitfalls that come along with the season after a separation or divorce.
The good news is that a little planning, some active communication and a positive approach can help you and your co-parent avoid a holiday disaster. Here are some important tips.
Be as flexible as possible with the schedule
What if the official holiday schedule gives you Christmas Eve with the kids and your co-parent has them on Christmas Day? If your ex-spouse’s parents will only be in town on Christmas Eve, offer to trade your days so that your children can enjoy their grandparents over the holiday. A little generosity of spirit (that goes both ways) can make the holidays happier for everybody.
Don’t be a Scrooge about the expenses
The holidays are expensive for everybody. Talk with your co-parent about how to best share the expenses. If your incomes are fairly equal, you can split the cost of things like holiday clothes and gifts right down the middle. However, you should agree on a budget. If your incomes are different, ask if you can split the expenses proportionally.
Coordinate on gifts, and don’t go rogue
It can be very tempting to load your children with gifts – especially if you feel guilty about the separation or divorce – but don’t do it. Once you and your co-parent have agreed on a budget for gifts, you need to decide who is purchasing what items – and which gifts will be separate, which will be joint and which come from “Santa” (if any). Then, stick to the agreement. Surprising the kids with extravagant gifts is also going to surprise your co-parent, and that’s likely to create some serious resentment and hostility.
Parenting agreements, no matter how thorough, can’t force couples to be joyfully cooperative. However, approaching the holiday season with the right mindset can set the tone for a better co-parenting relationship throughout the coming year.